My Husband Makes Me Feel Invisible
Does your husband or significant other make you feel invisible? Feeling unimportant or insignificant within a marriage, is more common than you might think.
I have definitely felt as if I was invisible. I am instantly saddened and my heart aches whenever I hear this or similar comments from the women I coach. When someone as significant as our spouse ignores us or makes disparaging remarks to us, it can lead to feeling as if we are insignificant, unworthy or invisible.
If you are struggling with this issue, you might find this article helpful. However, please note that this article is not about how you can change your husband. This article is about discovering that you can feel great about yourself, you can feel heard, visible and valuable no matter what anyone else thinks, says or does.
Do you feel bad about yourself based on other’s opinions?
I did. Between my late teens and early thirties my value as a person was mostly based on external factors. If a guy told me I was pretty, that meant that I was pretty. If he laughed with me and we had fun together, that meant I was fun to be around. If he asked me to go out on a date, that meant I was worthy of his time.
In my first marriage, my husband kept Playboy magazines around. In my mind, that meant my body wasn’t beautiful and I wasn’t enough. If he didn’t call me during the day, then I wasn’t important to him. If he was in a bad mood, it must have been something I did or failed to do. At that time, I believed it was my job to make him feel better.
Do you see the pattern? I only felt good about myself if someone else told me I was valuable. How I felt about myself was a direct result of my partner’s mood. When I finally made a decision to stop living my life in such a painful and confusing way… I learned something very interesting. I did not have to let his behavior control how I felt.
Do you feel insignificant or rejected?
If your husband’s behavior is causing you to feel insignificant, invisible or rejected, take a close look at how you treat yourself and what you believe about yourself. Do you treat yourself as if you are insignificant? How often do you put yourself first? Do you speak up for yourself or just go along with everything, to keep the peace?
If you have read this far, some of you are rolling your eyes and saying to yourselves… “Oh, it would be selfish for me to put myself first! I couldn’t possibly do that!” Some of you might think that your spouse is simply an insensitive jerk. Why should you have to change when he is the one who needs to change? The reality is that he may be a jerk. Meanwhile, you are the one who is in pain. You have already tried to change him. My guess is that whatever you have tried, has not been successful.
Put Yourself First
Stop focusing on what your husband is doing or saying. Stop telling yourself and others that your husband makes you feel invisible. Words are powerful and you are training your subconscious to believe you are invisible. When you treat yourself with the love and attention you so desperately crave, you will begin to feel stronger and think more clearly again. You will KNOW without a doubt, that you deserve to be treated well. You will be less likely to allow your spouse or anyone else to treat you with indifference or disrespect.
Want relief from the pain of feeling slighted?
Stop allowing his behaviors to dictate how you feel about yourself. Concentrate your attention on helping yourself to feel better. For the next 30 days, challenge yourself to do at least two things every day to show yourself that you are loved. There are many ways to do this. Examples: think kind thoughts about yourself, write in a journal, take a bubble bath, take a yoga class, walk in nature, eat healthier foods, have lunch with a friend, etc…).
Why is it so important to treat yourself with love and acceptance? Because, when YOU truly believe that you are significant, worthy and valuable, you will not NEED anyone else to validate your existence or confirm your significance. This does not mean that you will stop wanting to be acknowledged and appreciated. You may still feel sad or even angry when your husband ignores you, but it won’t impact how you feel about yourself. Your value is not determined by other people. The more you practice self-love and acceptance, the faster you will be able to clear your mind, detach from looking to him for your value and worth, and deal effectively with the situation.
Are you willing to settle for the status quo?
When you act as if you appreciate and value yourself it will cause a shift in all your relationships, especially your marriage. Your spouse may notice a difference in you and become attentive and interested again. Or, he might act out in an effort to make you change back to the way you were before. Your marriage might grow stronger or you might finally admit to yourself that you knew it was over a long time ago. You have to decide how you want to live the rest of your life. Are you willing to settle for the status quo or are you ready to do something to facilitate a change in your relationship? If you continue to live as you have been, your future will be the same as it is now.
Changing the way you relate to yourself and your husband can be a daunting undertaking. I encourage you to put a support person or team in place to support you as you make changes in the way you show up in life. Working with a Coach, joining a support group, seeing a Therapist, writing in a journal or sharing your thoughts and feelings with a trusted friend, are all effective ways to get unbiased support so you can make decisions that are right for you.
Feeling Invisible is an Inside Job
I would like to leave you with this final thought… If you are feeling invisible or insignificant to someone, you have given that person the ability to control your feelings and how you experience life. You can continue to give your power away to that person or you can find ways to regain your power and take care of yourself.
You deserve the best life has to offer. Don’t settle for crumbs in your relationships or any aspect of life.
A note from Linda: Is there is a gap between how you feel and live your life today and how you would rather feel and live? One of the reasons I love coaching, is that change can happen quickly! Your life can be different, you can have more joy, creativity, abundance and love in your life in a relatively short amount of time! You don’t have to suffer, but you do have to be willing to take the first step and reach out for help.
Let’s Talk!
If you are ready to stop feeling invisible, I would love to support you as you move forward. There is no charge for the initial phone call with me. Everyone’s situation is different. It is impossible for me to address every situation in an article. However, when I have a one to one conversation with someone, I can speak to that person’s unique needs.
My phone number is listed below or you can reach me by filling out the contact form on this page: https://lindathurwanger.com/contact-coach-linda-thurwanger/. You will not be pressured to sign up for any coaching. I am happy to support you even if it is only one phone conversation.
